Monday, November 19, 2007
Commiserating vs Example
Post contents to be reposted.
- Fight or Flee (10/06/2008)
- The Case for War (08/12/2008)
- Why I Didn’t Like Reagan (08/04/2008)
- View from Afar (07/08/2008)
- Heller (06/26/2008)
Posted 11/19/2007 6:17 AM CDT • Print Vers.
Comments
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I’ve always felt that any gun control measure was, first and foremost, unspeakably sexist.
og | 11/19/2007 07:35 AM CDT -
Actually, og, gun control is the racist’s first resort.
And “Men don’t have to do that?” Excuse me, what color is the sky on their planet? There are sections of town I won’t go into after dark. There’s even a smaller number I won’t go into during the day. Why? Because nothing I can get there is worth the risk.
SDN | 11/19/2007 07:54 AM CDT -
I have to agree with Og- I’ve often wondered why it seems that women are more in favor of gun control, when I would think they’d be more interested in evening the field.
That being said, the entire Telegraph article reminded me of the old Woody Woodpecker cartoon:
“If Woody had gone straight to the police, none of this need ever have happened.”
[cross-posted to Kim’s site]
Everwyck | 11/19/2007 07:56 AM CDT -
That was some of the most honest, level-headed advice. TS, you should be teaching it to JH and HS girls. REALLY.
I’d love for you to sit my eldest daughter down and give her that talk. I try to tell her those things, but I find that chidren often listen better when it comes from someone other than a parent.The Termite
Termite | 11/19/2007 09:24 AM CDT -
In the military, leaving the base often requires a ‘buddy’. Leaving or returning without your buddy is a very serious issue.
If a Marine isn’t safe to walk around alone, what unarmed person things they are?
_Jon | 11/19/2007 09:41 AM CDT -
Unfortunately, Kim’s site is usually off-limits to me ... the automated sensor, at work - where I don’t have to endure POTS speed, doesn’t seem to like him.
I guess my problem is too many years in the artic and Northern Alberta - all relatively unpopulated by Texas standards. I would never knowingly go into Detroit or Chicago without dire need ... because of all the horror stories ... and I have been somewhat wary when I accidentally drove into the wrong neighborhood at night in Houston ... but I still have trouble with understanding the whole seige mentality. Back in Canada, some years ago, the feminazis were spreading the statistic that 95% of women have been abused and I just cannot believe it. Not even close.
Is rape really that endemic that it’s a constant concern to women? If so, how come the courts aren’t completely gridlocked with rape cases, and with murder cases where the rapists have been properly disciplined?pete in Midland | 11/19/2007 10:18 AM CDT -
Gun control is sexist and racist. Good talk I’m sure you gave it to yours. I had sons, didn’t have to worry about this to much, but I did have nieces.
CASmithasl | 11/19/2007 10:59 AM CDT -
I engaged in this kind of stupidity when I was young and invincible. Fifteen years old, out-of-my-mind drunk at a rural party, suddenly come to and realize I’m being dragged into the woods by two guys. Gained my feet and got away, called dad to pick me up (and of course never told him what happened). Pretty damn lucky, and pretty damn stupid. Ten years later I am warning my teenage cousin about this, which she isn’t taking seriously. I ask her what she would do if she found herself in such a situation, and she said she’d go all karate on the guy like Charlie’s Angels. Result? Date-raped twice, once in her own car while intoxicated, another in her own home (sober) by a guy she met at the bar.
I agree with the Mrs. There was a reason girls used to be escorted by fathers and brothers or travelled in packs. I’m going to use the scenario exercise on my daughter, if I ever have one, and any other young girl I know to impress on her to stay out of these situations in the first place.
Sarah | 11/19/2007 11:55 AM CDT -
Second, don’t go out alone if you can avoid it. If you have to run to the 7/11 for milk at 11:00 pm, have your husband go with you, or have him go alone.
...and the other side of the coin. Guys, if you love your wife/daughter/mother/etc., be willing to suck it up and make those late night trips for/with her. We’re allowed an occasional “Couldn’t you’ve mentioned this earlier?”, but never tell her to just deal with it, and never act so grudging about it that she’ll decide it’s better to go out alone.
Mark Hagerman | 11/19/2007 12:29 PM CDT -
Is rape really that endemic that it’s a constant concern to women?
Pete, it’s not that it’s endemic, rather that it’s so serious that it’s worth the time and effort to make themselves less of a potential target. The types of suggestions that are made here aren’t really that onerous once you make a habit of them - not that much more than putting on your seat belt. How many people have said that the Virginia Tech shootings could have been brought to an abrupt halt if there had been someone carrying a gun that day? Yet what is the actual likelihood of someone being a victim in such an attack?
Or maybe I misunderstood your point about a “siege mentality”, in which case, could you explain it again?
WayneB | 11/19/2007 01:10 PM CDT -
...and the other side of the coin. Guys, if you love your wife/daughter/mother/etc., be willing to suck it up and make those late night trips for/with her. We’re allowed an occasional “Couldn’t you’ve mentioned this earlier?”, but never tell her to just deal with it, and never act so grudging about it that she’ll decide it’s better to go out alone.
+1
princewally | 11/19/2007 01:23 PM CDT -
The rape and sexual assault statistics are pretty bad.
That said, it is often misleading.
I wrote about this a few years ago, and that post (other than my post about my stance on gay marriage) garnered the most fury in comments: Myths. Myths II. Rape Culture Myth Statistics.
The rape stats say, “1 one 3 women will be raped in her lifetime.”
Well, that’s as misleading a stat as the one that says “a child dies everyday from gun violence.” Yes, we know they’ve distorted what “child” means, and we also know it sounds much more ominous than saying @365 a year.
You have to understand what is included under the umbrella of “rape.” It includes ALL rape definitions, including statutory rape, date rape, morning-after regret rape, as well as “forceable rape” which is what most of us think of when we define it.
The statistics are inferred, done from survey data, not from crime statistics. The actual reported crime stats are much lower, because a significant percentage of rapes go unreported.
So, if a significant number of rapes go unreported, how many women are actually raped in their lifetimes?
Well, as I said, that gets tricky and depends greatly on how you define it.
The statistic is also an extrapolation of the actual survey results (that are not validated, by the way, against even those rapes that the survey respondents says were reported, nor is the survey respondent challenged on the definition of rape). “It is what she says it is.”
That’s not good data.
At the time I wrote the piece, I did some investigation of my own to try to come to some sense of perspective on the numbers.
One of the things that makes it even more difficult (in the way the stat us presented) is that someone could be a crack addict, living on the street or in a crack house, and be raped numerous times in her life. That, as y’all know, is the kind of situation that wildly distorts statistics when you apply it back to the general population--a population that is not predominantly crack addicts or homeless women.
My best guess is that 1 out of 3 women will (at some time in her life) experience some sort of sexual assault. That could be as minor as having an old uncle fondle your tits when he hugs you, or as bad as a young child fondled/sodomized by a pedophile.
To be honest and truthful here, I do not know a single woman who has not had something like that (from mild to extreme) happen to her in her lifetime.
Forceable rape, of the type where you are given a drug to make you pass out, or violent rape, is not as common… but still a LOT more frequent than any of us like to think about--something like 1:38 women.
Obviously, because of the number of women who experience multiple rapes, the literal risk to the general population is lower… but it is still outrageously high, and a very real risk.
The 1:38 that I came to DOES NOT INCLUDE sexual assaults or statutory rape, which is much more prevalent.
Mrs. du Toit | 11/19/2007 01:42 PM CDT -
Back when Mike Tyson was busted for rape, I wound up with a secretary at work giving me hell for saying that, considering his earlier actions and words, the girl shouldn’t have got up to his room.
“That’s disgusting! She’s not to blame! Would you say that if it had been your daughter?”, etc.
Finally got the chance and said “If it had happened to my daughter I’d be mad as hell, it was rape and there’s no excuse. I’d still, when things calmed down some, ask her “What the hell were you THINKING to go up there?”
I don’t know if she ever forgave me for that.
Firehand | 11/19/2007 05:51 PM CDT -
I’ve never understood why so many people holler “blaming the victim” when one tries to sensibly point out that the victim’s choices and being oblivious to danger contributed to the situation. I watched someone be totally castigated in a public local forum when they suggested the same thing about rape - that women need to take some responsibility for their safety. They were totally beaten under by comments such as “so, she deserved it?”, “chauvinist pig”, “insensitive a-hole”, you get the picture.
diamond dave | 11/19/2007 07:08 PM CDT -
A few points....
First, a gentleman does not carry a condom. He isn’t interested in that kind of short-term affair.
Second, when I went through the Navy’s Test Pilot School, they had a sign up. It read, “A superior aviator uses his superior judgement to avoid situations that might require his superior skill.” It’s a good basic point.
Third, what IS it with these kids and booze? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that getting sloshed is a quick route to trouble.
Mike of the Duelling Pistols | 11/19/2007 07:53 PM CDT -
Third, what IS it with these kids and booze? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that getting sloshed is a quick route to trouble.
My theory is that it is all the nonsense they’re taught at school about the evil drink. The first time David was aware that we were drinking alcohol he nearly had a seizure. We had to explain that what was not OK for kids, was OK for responsible adults. You’d have thought we were shooting heroin or sacrificing babies, so strong was his (over) reaction. Sure enough, after giving him the third degree, it was all part of the DARE program he’d been taught at school.
Kids need to learn to drink AT HOME. Like anything else, you don’t throw them out into the world unprepared and ignorant.
They need to learn their limits, what they like/don’t like, and drinking needs to be demystified.
I fear that these are kids whose first drinks are in the company of their peer group, with no adult role models demonstrating responsible drinking. Heaven help them!
Mrs. du Toit | 11/19/2007 07:58 PM CDT -
I have tended to harass the women I’ve known into at least learning to use a gun—personally, I’d like to see every girl given a J frame around her… well, I wish I could say 18th bday, but it’s probably closer to 12 w. the current nuts.
Aglifter | 11/19/2007 09:07 PM CDT -
My 22 year old daughter was forcibly raped in March 2003 at a well known Florida university. Despite being told not to do so many, many times, she went out jogging, alone, as the sun was setting, in a semi-secluded area. She was dragged into woods and attacked. While she was raped, she only told us and the police she was attacked. No rape kit was applied. Two years later we found out that she was indeed raped. The resulting emotional trauma continues to this day and is getting worse. As a parent or other loved one, you can talk and talk and talk, but ultimately it comes down to each individual woman assuming some measure of responsibility for their own safety. I wish I had not failed to instill this lesson in my own child.
Retired USAF MSgt | 11/20/2007 12:58 AM CDT -
Retired,
I am SO sorry to hear that story. Gosh. How AWFUL.
As her Daddy it must just traumatize you that you couldn’t be there to protect her. Yes, they have to grow up and assume responsibility… but if only we could be a fly on their wall of life forever.
My best to you and her, with hopes that she is able to put the memories behind her… and remember that her body is still sacred and her own… despite someone trying to steal her sovereignty.
Mrs. du Toit | 11/20/2007 01:09 AM CDT -
As I said ... I guess my chosen environs and associates have made me somewhat naive when it comes to the realities of rape and assault. Anywhere that I’ve ever lived, it has always been unusual enough that it was news ... and it strikes me that news is such only when it is an “occasional” thing. Were it as prevalent as those statistics you quote, I would think that it would only be reported if it were horrendous (or moreso than usual). Here, in Michigan, for example, you only see drunk driving in the “court reports” column necause it’s far too common to be “news”.
One of the problems I’ve always had with cities, the larger the worse (and I see Detroit is back at the most dangerous city in the US)—is the further away from civilization / polite society you get. That old tribe thing ... when you’re in “your” town, in the midst of your tribe, you know that everyone knows. Which is where that whole “what happens in Las Vegas ...” thing comes from ... no one “knows” you.
Unfortunately, the only thing I can think of that would rrid us of the sexual violence - rape, pedophilia, and such - would be to return to “rough jkustice”. Yep ... we’d have some innocent people hung, no doubt ... but between thinning the ranks of the crepps, and putting the fear of God into the rest ... it might actually be safe again.
So ... in reality there is no solution, because taking the law in your own hands is considered far more vile than being a sexual predator.pete in Midland | 11/20/2007 11:09 AM CDT
