Mrs. du Toit Weblog - WAP Version

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Preaching to the Choir

This will be my last post and comments will go silent at midnight, at which time the entire site goes into archive/posterity mode until someone forgets to pay the hosting bill and the site disappears into oblivion.

If I were to sum up what I’ve done during my on-and-off blogging history, the title of this post would most accurately describe it.  Preaching to the choir is, as we know, a cliché we use to describe talking to a group that already has our ear, our agreement, and our attention. 

Why not preach to the choir?  After all, they’re the ones who have to get to church early, attend rehearsals during the week, and give up the solitude of sitting in the pews for the enjoyment of those who do.  Shouldn’t their service to the church and their sacrifices involve a little pay back sometimes?  They shouldn’t always have to see only the back of our head and their attendance taken for granted.

We shouldn’t take the choir for granted, as they’re the ones who are willing to devote their time to make life a little better, and enjoyable, for everyone else.

Even those who sing in the choir can get a touch of the blues, and need a little shoring up now and again. 

I’ve never cared much about the folks sitting in the pews or those who don’t agree with the philosophy of conservatism.  They’re either stupid or evil, and you can’t fix stupid, nor can you change evil to good.  What you can do, and what I’ve tried to do, is to keep those who do get it from straying from the gospel of political conservatism, and shared my life’s trials and tribulations so that folks know there’s a real person posting here.

Folks would complain that we wouldn’t allow “differing opinions” on our sites.  What they failed to realize is that the opinions that differed weren’t opinions.  They were failed ideas, shown through the light of history to be dangerous or flawed.  Kim and I referred to them as “settled matters” because we know that capitalism is better than communism, that a strong defense is better than weakness, that freedom is better than tyranny, that caution is better than recklessness, that a civil society is better than an immoral one, that teaching a man to fish is better than giving him fish, even if that means a few people might starve who refuse to learn.  We weren’t interested in hearing the same old arguments about how socialism might work or rogues and libertines acceptable, if given a different set of clothing. 

Over the years I’ve had a few different mottoes on the site.  The one that remain is still my favorite and explains my philosophy, in general:

When it is not necessary to change, it is necessary not to change.
--Lucuis Cary, Viscount Falkland

That doesn’t sum up my entire philosophy.  This one does:

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
--Edmund Burke

Blogging has been a very positive thing for me (most of the time).  Although hearing the same arguments and complaints (usually from members of the nut set) gets tiring, having to build cohesive arguments (at least the first time) forced me to think through my commitments and opinions.  Some of my views changed over the years.  This was mainly due to the acceptance of reality, of understanding that some things were beyond compromise or reconciliation.  Those are things that may never be settled, not that they couldn’t be, but because some people have a kind of personal investment in them (and refuse to reconsider it).  In other arenas and issues, I became more resolute in my opinions.  Additional research didn’t change my opinion; on the contrary, my opinions were enriched.

I’ve never been interested in making “converts” to conservatism.  Folks will either figure it out on their own, or they won’t.  What I’ve been about is making sure that those who already subscribe to the philosophy don’t waiver, don’t lose it, and know they aren’t alone in their views.

We know, from similar statistics, that it takes a lot more time (and money) to make a convert than it does to keep your customers, or those who are considering becoming your customers.  In fact, it is just about impossible to convert someone from an extreme. In the marketing biz, converting a Coke drinker to a Pepsi drinker is impossible.  If we want to increase our sales, we just have to get the Pepsi drinkers to drink MORE Pepsi, and ignore the Coke customers completely.  In order to get a Coke drinker to drink Pepsi, we have to give it to them for free, and even then they’re likely to give it out to their friends, while still drinking Coke on their own.

A lot of folks didn’t get that.  They didn’t get that about Kim or me.  We’ve never been about recruitment.  We’ve always been about retention and making those we retain more committed and involved… increasing the sales among our existing customers, rather than trying to increase sales among a group we have no ability to reach or convert.

That’s meant that what we’ve written about has never made us popular, and we never cared about that.  We’ve refused calls to be “leaders” because it demeans others who are capable of leading themselves.  Kim and I have enough experience in a variety of fields to know how we could have had popular and (therefore) lucrative websites (if we’d been interested in popularity over principles), or developed a clique. 

There are things more important than money, and far too many who know the cost of everything, but the value of nothing.

None of this means that we’re retiring from the world entirely or that we won’t continue to read and comment in the blogosphere.  There are other ways to fulfill your obligations as citizens, as people, and as neighbors.  We’re simply stepping off the soapbox.

There comes a time when that older voice in the choir needs to step down, to make a place for a younger, stronger voice.  Sure, that old guy might still make all the rehearsals and show up come Sunday, ready to do what he has always done, but his voice isn’t as sweet as it once was, nor his stamina as long as it used to be.  He may still love to sing, but for the sake of the whole choir, and those sitting in the pews, it is time to step aside. 

Maybe, when he does step down, he’ll have time to make a bit more money or save the money he spent getting to all those rehearsals--money he’ll use to help his kids a little more, or save for his retirement years, but the main reason he stepped aside wasn’t because of that. 

To everything there is a season, and our time for blogging has reached winter.  We’ll still be delighting in the choir’s performance and cheering them on as we always have, but we’ll be mouthing the words to the old hymns from the pews, mostly in silence from now on. 

I’ll be spending most of my time observing the world, watching the sailing ships go by, and the sun coming up and setting in (mostly) quiet contemplation.

The baton has been passed and I have complete faith that others will find it and carry it forward.

My best to all and to all a good night,
“The Mrs”

Saturday, November 29, 2008

And Another Thing

I will be eternally grateful to the people we’ve met through our blogs… the ones that have come to our home (or homes we’ve visited) and allowed our children to see the lives of so many great people.

After Mr. & Mrs. Freemarket went back to their hotel last night, Daughter and her friend lingered, not wanting the conversation to end.  I look at Mr. & Mrs. FM as great and wonderful friends to hang around with and talk to, but to our children, they’ve been an International education.  Meeting people from all over the country, and from all over the world, has given them a sense of the world that is just indescribably bountiful and valuable.

They listen to everything people say and they get a sense of the world and a perspective they would not otherwise have.  It is amazing (and was amazing last night) to have Daughter recall so many conversations and tidbits from years of socializing with interesting, educated adults.  You think they’re not listening, but they are, taking it all in like sponges.

So… that list of advice I created yesterday failed to mention something:  They’re always listening.

Daughter was explaining to her friend the “plan” we’ve always had in our family… the one where Kim and I work to help our children make a life and then, as we get to our doting ages, things flip.  They become the adults and the baton is passed to them.  We surrender our house and control to them, with complete faith that they won’t abuse us.

Where society got the idea that there is a point in your life when you stop contributing and stop being productive has always interested me.  There is no such thing as retirement from the world, when you spend your life playing golf or something.  This (about) fifty year period in history has been like no other--that parenting and being productive was something like a phase that ends.  That has never happened in history before, and it will never happen again.  It was a mistake and it’s over.  In exchange for being taken care of, our grandchildren will be cared for, as well as general “help” around the house.  That’s not an option, that’s a duty (and a delight I look forward to).

That connection was somehow broken and it allowed people to be bad parents, thinking it was some sort of temporary thing.  Knowing that the bond between parent and child is never broken--and knowing that we are modeling the behavior and the way we will want to be treated in our dotage, means that we cannot be callous about the relationship we have with our children.  We can’t be authoritarians in our treatment of our children or that is what we’ll get.  They have to be involved in family decisions (even trivial ones, having to do with what color to paint the walls).  If we don’t treat our children with respect, how would we ever expect them to treat us with respect?

Meeting responsible and involved people has made those lessons all the more meaty.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Almost Last Words

As I begin the process of closing this site to new posts, other than our farewells on Sunday, I’ve given considerable thought to what to write.  I started five six posts and then started over.

The only thing I can think of to say is some last words of advice:

--Find the love of your life, marry them, raise a family, and live happily every after.  If you’ve been convinced that it is a fantasy, you have been led astray.  Choose wisely.  Finding a mate and spending the rest of your life loving that person, and being lovable, should be your only major goal. 

--Love your children and raise them to be people you like and are likable, and people you want to be around.

--Be the person you would want your children to be.

--If life knocks you on your ass, get up.

--Give all your devotion to immediate family (those under your roof and charge).  Extended family (or friends) are a delight and an enrichment to your life, but your immediate family comes first, always.  If your extended family requires that you choose them over your immediate family, choose your immediate family without hesitation.  No one, even extended family, should intrude or make demands on the sanctity of your family and home.  Pull up the drawbridge, if necessary.

--Read great books.

--If your life isn’t matching the picture you created for yourself, change your picture.

--Delight in the peculiarities of others.

--Develop a discriminating palate in all things and cultivate a respect for all things worthwhile and noble.

--"Home" is where your family is.  It isn’t a place, a building, or anything tangible.

--Be good stewards.

--Be diplomats and ambassadors.

--Vote and participate.

--Learn to recognize rogues, tyrants, thieves, charlatans, and boors, and avoid them.  Give the behavior no quarter.

--Live what you believe.

I could say something about searching for meaning, purpose and truth, but if you do the above, it will be obvious.

And, finally… thank you.  Thank you for your comments, emails, and stopping by… and for your virtual friendship.

As a reminder, this site will remain on-line for as long as possible.  Please continue to respect my property.

And with that, all that remains is my Sunday Swansong… ie, the fat lady to sing.